Best Judo

Judo Book Reviews

Search Engine Keywords – Judo Humor

January 31, 2016 by khadaji Leave a Comment

 

BestJudo.com is still a fairly new website, and I’m learning as I go. It’s really been fun learning the HTML coding to put this site together. [Note: This was originally written when BestJudo was handcoded – it’s now running on the Drupal CMS WordPress] One rather interesting thing I ran across, is in my site logging… I can look at the search terms that sent someone to this site. I was absolutely fascinated to see what people are searching for, and thought I’d post some of the more interesting ones here.

I have absolutely no idea who used the search keywords, if it was you looking for photos of nude women Judoka throwing men, you can relax, I can only see what keywords were used. Please excuse my attempts at humor, as I remark on each of them;

judo women – What? Do we only date within Judo?
kick testicles – Ouch… Why would anyone be looking for this?
karate throws – They have them? 🙂
holmes judo – Hmmm… Perhaps I need to put up a bio of me? Nah…
judo+girls+photos – Yes, I’ve always known that Joshi Judoka are better looking!
most deadly martial art book – This person certainly came to the right site!
mathematical techniques in combat – Let me offer my opinion: BJJ+Aikido+Karate=Judo
list 5th+place+winners+1984+los+angeles+olympics – Hmmm… You caught me on that one! I don’t know!!
hairi chest – Hmmm… I guess this isn’t the same guy looking for “Judo women”?!
“dating” and “judo” – Does the Kodokan have a policy on this issue?
chest expander exercises – How did they end up here?
judo mistress – A little dangerous, don’t you think?
salutation etiquette canada – What, are they different than everyone else?
blow to the testicles – Ouch again!
authentic jiu jitsu – Another winner! Came to the right place!!
“mae geri” testicles – Ouch! What is it with testicle hating people?
surfboard hold – New one on me! Beach Judo, maybe?
judo feet strangle – I think strangling someone’s feet would be illegal in Judo…
foot chokes – Same as above…
pictures of jugular veins – We just squeeze ’em, we don’t look at ’em.
her-shoe-broke – Another search engine “why did they end up here” mystery…
who can teach judo? – Anyone who wants to, look at me as an example!
“blow to the testicles” – Okay, already!!
kick in the testicles – Who is this sicko?
learn judo from internet – Dream on…
men top one hundred tennis ranking – What is this search engine thinking?
coin+collectors+in+prague – Another search engine mystery.
kick in testicles – Please!!
100 neck cranks – Sorry, this site only has 98 of them…
ultimate judo – Isn’t this redundant?
“i know judo” – Okay, so do I.
mat that a judo match is played on – Ummm… could it be a ‘mat’?
the youngest black belt – Wrong Martial Art, try Karate.
testicle smashing – Another one!!
self taught judo – Self-practiced too, I’ll bet.
book review contest Ohhh! A Book Review Shiai… where can I get an entry form?
blackbelt hair – ??? Is it different than brownbelt hair?
nude self defense – Yes, this is a big problem… Whenever I take off my clothes, women try to attack me…
ryu shower naked – Hmmm… Just what was the name of that ryu that taught techniques for defending oneself in the shower?
blow to the testicles – Ouch again.
martial art testicle training – Testicles need to be trained? Well, with so many people trying to kick you, I guess a little self-defense would be in order…

 

Filed Under: Humor

Martial Arts Books I’d Like To See…

January 31, 2016 by khadaji Leave a Comment

 

The Speedy Hands of Tai Chi Chuan — Three Time Chinese Tai Chi Chuan Champion reveals how to speed up your techniques.

Brazilian JiuJitsu Throwing Techniques — This four-page book is a compendium of useful techniques to get your opponent between your legs.

TaeBo Competition Moves — A National TaeBo Champion shows the "inside" techniques needed to win that tournament trophy.

Rules of the Game — The official no-holds-barred competition handbook (including a 45-page appendix with the complete rules of no-rules submission matches).

Iaido: Drawing the Samurai Sword — Special methods for drawing swords in pen or charcoal.

The Book of Five Rings — A juggler’s guide for working with up to 5 objects at a time.

Aikido – The Violent Path — "I used to be humble", the author reveals, "then I discovered Aikido…"

The High Kicks of Wing Chun — Taught in Hong Kong, the author (a frequent contributor to Black Belt Magazine) reveals the startling secrets behind the rare high kicks of Wing Chun.

Searching for Tae Kwon Do — Are you having trouble locating someplace to study Tae Kwon Do? This 2065-page book reveals the ACTUAL addresses where you can find Tae Kwon Do instruction!

Judo Breath Techniques — Do you think eating onions before practice is the ultimate? The author reveals his best recipes for noxious breath.

Secrets of the Ninja — In clear, simple language this book provides complete and comprehensive details of the secret life of the mysterious author, as well as reveals for the first time the never-before-disclosed or used lethal poisons of a previously-unknown hidden ninja clan.

Professional Wrestling Guide — Detailing the simple, understated moves that can quietly end a match, this book is full of tips on how to not injure your opponent (when fighting a man in a mask on a spring-loaded floor).

Kendo for Modern Times — Forget the old-fashioned bamboo shinai, outdated wooden bokken, and even the sharpened steel sword, now you can learn to use the latest laser light sword made famous by Star Wars.

Fighting Kung Fu — Who wouldn’t want to remove those ugly scars of the Shaolin dragon on your forearms? Now you can with this simple "wax on, wax off" formula.

Geriatric Judo — Over 100 pages filled with excuses why you can’t practice tonight. Includes an appendix with the senior techniques: 32 throws that can be done with a cane or walker.

Juji Gatame Encyclopaedia — Compiled by a brown belt in Alaska, this book details 57 major variations of Juji Gatame armbar, along with combinations and transitions from all standard positions. You must be a registered Judoka to purchase this book, not available to BJJ practitioners.

 


This page was written by Ben Holmes and Neil Ohlenkamp, and is copyright © 1999/2001, JudoInfo.com, USA. All rights reserved. Last modified April 15, 2001.

 

Filed Under: Books, Humor

Redneck Hillbilly’s Home Care Hare Straitening Kit

December 25, 2006 by khadaji Leave a Comment

 

Hair Straitening

I had a wee bit of fun this Christmas… according to my Sister-in-Law, my 20 year old niece wanted a “Hair Straightener” for Christmas.  Now, being a guy; I had absolutely no clue what a “hair straightener” was, and had to be ‘edumacated’.

Being somewhat mischievous The Devil Made Me Do It! from time to time, I decided to play a little prank on my niece – so I purchased a red construction brick, a rubber mallet, and a box of matches.

I looked around for an appropriate box, set some styrofoam in it, and with a razor I carefully cut out areas for the brick, mallet, and box of matches to sit in.

Then I sat down to the computer, and created a “manual” for my “Redneck Hillbilly’s Home Care Hare Straitening Kit”.  Then, as all manuals seem to be – I ran over to Google and translated the manual into French, German, and Japanese.  I spent some time learning how to print this out in a ‘booklet’ form, and created a very nice little manual.
(Click Here to View the Manual).

Of course, it wouldn’t be fair to give my niece just this ‘gift’, so naturally I really did purchase a nice hair straightener for her.  When I got to the store – I realized that I still hadn’t learned enough about hair straighteners… they had 1″ models, and 2″ models… so, being just a guy – I collared several women who were shopping nearby, and begged them to explain to me the difference.  Apparently, as near as I can figure it out, the difference in size is helpful depending on what you want to do with the hair straightener.  And here I thought the purpose of a hair straightener was to straighten hair!!  But I’m just a guy… Fortunately, as it turned out, the 2″ model I purchased was exactly what my niece wanted.  (or at least she convinced me of that…)

I really did have quite a bit of fun while creating this ‘gift’… as you might imagine – I got some shocked looks at the building construction supply store when I asked for a ’single red brick’.  One guy there had a good sense of humor and a fast tongue – he instantly replied that they had just ran out of red bricks.  Now, this construction supply store had about half a dozen men, and just one lady behind the counter. As I explained what I needed a single red brick for, the men all just smiled, but the one lady present sent daggers my way… I knew that I’d be in trouble if it weren’t for the counter that stood between us, so I quickly explained to her that of course I was also purchasing a real hair straightener for my niece.  One of the clerks went in the back to choose the perfect red brick for me, while another clerk rang me up for the .44 cents (plus tax) that they were soaking me for.  The mallet set me back $2.99, and the box of matches cost pocket change as well…

I must report honestly that she got quite a laugh out of her ‘gift’… even before she found out that she was also getting a real one.   So I certainly enjoyed my Christmas… How about you?

 

Filed Under: Blog, Humor

Boss’s Day – Today!

October 16, 2006 by khadaji Leave a Comment

 

Here it is, today… in America we are ‘celebrating’ Boss’s Day.  And if you want to stay employed, you’d better be ‘celebrating’ it! Smiley

First founded back in 1958, Boss’s Day was a creation of, and registered with the U.S. Chamber of Commerce by Patricia Bays Haroski, an employee of the State Farm Insurance Company in Illinois.  Patricia Haroski picked this particular date because it was her father’s birthday… and suprising no-one reading this, her boss was her father.

But in thinking this over, I sorta wondered why there needs to be a particular Boss’s Day… after all, isn’t every day Boss’s Day?  If I want to keep working where I work, I do what –my– boss wants me to do… what more could a boss ask for?  Don’t ask me to celebrate a special day for my boss… we have a good relationship as it is… I show up for work, I do the work, and he hands me a paycheck.  No special celebration required.

Why hasn’t anyone seen fit to honor us with an Employee’s Day???

P.S. While I’m on the topic, here’s an excellent reference: How to Work for a Jerk

 

Filed Under: Blog, Humor

Kuchi Waza – The Black Belt’s Undefeatable Technique! (If Do Right, No Can Defend…)

May 16, 2006 by khadaji Leave a Comment

 

The one form of technique, that just like wine, gets better with age.  The older I get, the more Judo training I participant in, the better my Kuchiwaza becomes.

Kuchiwaza can be translated from the Japanese as “mouth technique”, and merely refers to the extensive ability us old-timers have of being able to tell a story for just about anything related to Judo.

So as our strength slowly diminishes, our injuries pile up, and our speed slows to a crawl – beware of our Kuchiwaza … it can be used with devastating effect upon the merest mention of any Judo topic – or indeed, virtually any topic.  For a good black belt can turn any topic to Judo with just a casual flick of his tongue.

And as a black belt gradually ages, just like a fine wine, he merely improves with age… he develops many more stories to tell – hopefully limiting any repetition of the same stories.  But we all have our favorite ones.  “The fish that got away” is a favorite of mine – the story of how I came within inches of throwing a National Champion in a local Los Angeles shiai.  Or another favorite story concerning tournament directors.  We all have ‘em.  Perhaps someone should consider collecting these stories into a book.  Anyone?

 

Filed Under: Blog, Humor, Judo

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